Goals


Hand-drawn horoscope saved from the Yale Colle...

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“The Journey: A Mind, Body, and Soul Connection” magazine sits atop the cluttered fireplace at Bean and Leaf.  I open to the Horoscope page.  I haven’t read my horoscope in years.  It says:

SCORPIO

July – New job opportunities are on the horizon.  Go into your heart and ask yourself what feels right for you.  Then, just do it.  Remember that the more you move forward in your life the happier you will be.

August– People become more honest with their feelings about you.  This allows you to be more honest about your feelings toward them.  People really do want to know what you have to say.  Now is the time to come forward and express yourself.

Fitting.  During these two months I’ll be testing for my yoga teaching certification and finishing a master’s thesis.

Imagine how much we can accomplish in just fifteen minutes a day...

Years ago I read Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis by Joan Bolker, Ed.D.  I was beginning a Master’s Thesis in 2003 while working full-time.  I struggled for years to bring my thesis to the forefront of my life, but life’s happenings usually beat me.  As my life perspective has changed and continues to change, and as I come to finally seeing my thesis as a final product, I’ve come to the realization on my own how “fifteen minutes a day” really works.

Making time to write is like making time for my new morning meditation ritual.  For weeks and even months I thought about wanting to meditate regularly.  Each day I would put it off until later until the day got away and I would never realize that moment of reflection.  Once I realized that the only feasible time to meditate was when I was the only one stirring in the house, I began waking up earlier.  I consciously carved a time out in my day to meditate.  And each time I meditate, I reinforce how powerful the act is, making me more and more committed to seeing through the next morning’s meditation.  Meditating in the wee early morning while the house is still silent has replaced my caffeine intake.  I have cut coffee and black tea completely and drink green tea as a treat.  I now look to meditation to get my brain going in the morning so that I am alert to the subtleties in the data I’m studying.  I feel prepared to deal with the challenges of the day and to recognize each moment, and challenge, as precious.  There is a level of commitment to this act, and even reliance on it. 

Writing “fifteen minutes a day” has taken on a similar role.  There are days where I literally only get fifteen minutes to write.  After getting ready in the morning, the short meditation of 8-12 minutes, making my tea and writing in my production journal, I may be working for only 15 minutes when my son has unexpectedly started his day before 7:30 a.m.  The teaser sample makes me want more.  I can’t wait, I look forward to, I rely on being able to write again.  But when I’m not writing, I don’t need to think about how I’m not getting anything done (though I do have those moments, they are not pervasive), because I trust that all the other moments of joy will only help me the next day when I write again. 

It is the simple act of carving out 15 minutes of my time daily to something I love that makes the 15 minutes so potent.  Making the time, the act itself, is how 15 minutes really works.  It’s like growing a plant.  When you give yourself to those things you love, they grow.  And the relationship is circular.  When I give time to my writing, I am giving time to myself, and we grow together.  If my goal is growth, how could I stop protecting this ritual that gives me fifteen minutes to two hours a day if I’m so lucky?  The real progress that is happening, even when one writing session is only filled with thinking, is too powerful to ignore.  Yet with the other elements that make up my life, this level of committment can be fragile.  And this is another way that “fifteen minutes a day” works.  “Fifteen minutes a day,” that’s all it takes to show your love, and it will grow all on its own.

I’d like to know: What makes you committed to your passion?  What are your daily rituals that help you stay connected to the different elements in your life? 

 

The only thing there is to do, is GROW

 Tragedies can lull your spirit to sleep or they can help awaken.  The loss of my son has shaken me so hard, that I do not expect to sleep until that day when I stop breathing.  There are no more mindless activities to do.  Everything is now a conscious decision.  By conscious I mean, whatever I do, I do because I believe it will help me grow.  The only thing there is to do is grow. 

I am beginning a new spiritual journey.  I will be exploring the spiritual side of yoga on the path to becoming a yoga instructor.  To prepare for teacher training classes beginning in April 2011, I will be attending Buddhist talks on Tuesdays and continue to practice yoga at home and in class.  I will be reading philosophical and historical works.  I’ll be blogging about this journey so that one day I will look back and remember the steps along the way.

What Thesis?

After weeks of trying to coordinate schedules, I finally met with my thesis advisor.  The university’s campus has been turned upside down since I was here last in 2008.  Old spaces were remodeled, departments were moved to different buildings, and the GRADUATE SCHOOL ITSELF had been relocated.  It looks nice but I needed to grab a map to navigate this place.  Yes, I’m still here as I type, still in shock.  I needed a cup of soup and a cozy new mod chair to sit in and feel like a student in my 20’s again.  Yes, that reminds me, I just turned 31 last week.

Anyway, to the main point.  After looking at the way I’ve begun to approach the data analysis on my qualitative study, my advisor looked at me and said, “Well if you’re going to do it this way you will have to change the methodology section in your proposal, because THIS is NOT grounded theory.”  Grounded Theory, did I ever tell you how much you annoy me?  And after I expressed to her that just weeks ago I was thinking about scrapping the whole thesis and doing a silly project just so I can graduate, she asked, “Why don’t you?”  WHAT?  WHY DON’T I?  Is all this hard work PURE CRAPOLA? 

My tears were going to explode out of my eye sockets.  She presented her case.  I listened, spoke, and CRIED.  I am not one to hold in my tears.  Eventually I told her that the reason I chose to do a thesis in the first place, as opposed to a project, is because it is much more well-regarded.  The thesis has status.  “Regarded by whom?”  she said.  Well, I THOUGHT back then that maybe ONE DAY I would go Doctoral, you know, a PhD, and isn’t that what THEY want?  “This is not going to be your last piece of work.  Plus,” she explained “I knew this project was very ambitious from the beginning.  Qualitative studies usually take 2 years at the very least with continuous work and it usually happens in research TEAMS.  You are all alone!”  Yes I am, Lady, yes I am. 

We discussed the differences and the rationale and I agreed.  She has assured me that switching to a project is not a step down, which is what I was afraid of.   We will still create a quality product in the form of a thesis but without the BS of a thesis committee.  We will still aim towards publication and a presentation of the project to Women’s & Gender Studies faculty.  The goal is to finish in 5 months, rather than another year. 

So, things have changed, but I will have more freedom on this project than I might had on the thesis.  More importantly, I will graduate sooner and isn’t this the whole point?  So, yah, who needs a thesis anyway?  Me and my project will be just fine.  I meant to say “my project and I.”

Of the many jobs I’ve had there was never a manager or “Boss,” as he would have it, that was as terrible as the last one.  This man was a tyrant, a dictator!  And although I do not like slander, it was eventually no secret that I despised him.  So I will continue, because there IS a moral to the story.

I worked under his rule for a year and a half out of necessity; my husband was unemployed and we had a young child at home.  I worked long hours to meet his goals.  I took his criticism that I was too slow, too mean, too nice, too talkative, too unqualified and I cried a river, then a lake, and soon an ocean.  Once a week we would meet, just the two of us, behind closed doors.  Part of my position was considered Operations Manager, but with the long list of responsibilites and the Monday Meeting Slams, inspiration was an elusive fish to catch.

As time passed I understood that the owners valued the manager’s recruiting ability more than the office administrator’s sanity.  I decided to dry up the ocean and say goodbye to all the imaginary marine life for which I had made a home.  This is OVER!  I blamed the BAD MANAGER for creating a stressful environment that prevented the baby I was growing to form a normal heart.  I blamed the BAD MANAGER for making me feel horrible about the way I work, even though I knew deep down that I was a valuable asset!

I would take it no more.  After a year and a half, I started to talk back without the hope of compromise or the hint of civility.  In the right situations, I told him what he was:  A LIAR!  If he shut my door and tried to confront me, I told him to: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!  I no longer made the effort to greet him or even look at him.  I stopped caring. 

I will save you the details of how I stopped working there, but I will tell you why I can now thank and love my ex-manager, although I will never let him know my gratitude.  If it wasn’t for him I would be looking for a job right now.  But he made realize that I never wanted to have a manager again.  If it wasn’t for him, I might not be following my dream.  I might’ve stayed in the position for a really long time if he was a great manager, knowing fully that I didn’t want to spend my life doing what I was doing.  Instead, I am finishing a Master’s degree I began 7 years ago.  I am spending more time with my son and husband.  I am reading more.  I’m going to the gym and doing yoga again!  I’ve taken out my paint and canvas (which is always a first step).  And I learned that if I ever have another manager again, it will be when I find the RIGHT JOB.

In the words of The Dalai Lama:  Just as having unexpectedly found a treasure in your own house, you should be happy and grateful towards your enemy for providing that precious opportunity.  Because if you are ever to be successful in your practice of patience and tolerance, which are critical factors in counteracting negative emotions, it is due to the combination of your own efforts and also the opportunity provided by your enemy.”  -The Art of Happiness

Well, I tried to practice patience for a year and a half and failed on that front.  So, Thanks for the opportunity to practice patience, BAD MANAGER.  But, I’d like to thank you so much more for giving me the opportunity to REALIZE the REAL treasures I was too afraid to entertain.

AND SO, WE MAY HATE OUR BAD MANAGERS, but we should also LOVE THEM because BOY OH BOY, THE CRAP THEY PUT US THROUGH COULD SOMEHOW TURN INTO A WONDERFUL GIFT!!!

One of the most difficult things about doing a project like an essay, a paper, thesis or dissertation,  is when you return to it after a day, a week, or maybe even a year of rest.  How do you remember where you left off?

I have tested this simple method over the last 5 years and I am thankful that I stuck to it, or I may have given up years ago.  Life interruption after interruption, and I always knew where I left off.  So I thought I’d offer it to you.  I don’t remember how I learned about the method otherwise I would give credit to the source.

THE STEPS

Step 1:  Buy a Journal for this purpose and this purpose only.

Step 2:  Everytime you work, make your journal entry before you begin and after you are finished for that period of work.

Step 3:  You should notice an increase in productivity with this method which will inspire you to stick to it!

THE PROGRESS JOURNAL (EXAMPLE FROM TODAY’S ENTRY)

Today’s Date:  11/8/10

Thought for the Day:  Rest is important, so i took the day yesterday from working and blogging, but i became restLESS today because it took so long before I could begin my work again!

Personal Goals:  Now that we’ve redone the study room, I should think about getting my paints out and making a place for them.

Professional Goals:  Begin organizng F4 data

Reflection & Review:  Ended off at line 100.  Not so bad since there are just over 400 lines.  If I look at it this way, I can break down each interview into quarters based on the number of lines.

THAT’S IT!  Of course, I have had very reflective entries and very down-to-business kind of entries.  I pump up the music while I write the date, thought, personal & professional goals and it’s like a ritual everytime before I get my work started.  At the end, I log in the Reflection & Review so I know where I left off next time.  I’ve used this to help develop my ideas for a class paper, an independent project, and especially a master’s thesis. 

I couldn’t have done it without my journal.