The 89-year-old man next to me took his clothes off and tugged at his catheter. Bringing myself to the emergency room was a difficult decision that took a good hour of pain. The pain started a couple days ago and at first I thought it must be ovarian cysts. But after waking up at 2:00 a.m. the next day the pain had worsened and grew in my abdomen. I woke up nauseous. Paranoia set in and I looked up ecoli symptoms, then appendicitis, and I remembered when my dad had his removed and the episode of Modern Family where the Al Bundy guy takes himself to the hospital and his Latina wife doubts he has anything wrong. His appendix is then removed in an emergency procedure. My Latino husband doubted me too. All the more reason to get up and go. As I drove on black ice to the hospital I knew I was crazy. I don’t care. The pain was too much to sleep. Still lying here, waiting for a test. The naked old man was moved upstairs. He was too much trouble. My blood tests are normal. That’s always a good feeling. Sometimes you have to look like a paranoid jackass to make sure your appendix isn’t about to explode.